ANNUAL GATER WHUPPIN’

We know ’bout how Bubba Ray’s Granpappy took ‘im up into the piney woods long, long ago afore a Gater Whuppin’ to give the boy his firstest taste a mountain Bulldawg hooch.  Yep, Granpappy poured little Bubba Ray a jar full a shine and said, Bubba Ray Wish-Me-Die if’n this here shine won’t do ya’ good and help us whup them &^%$# Gaters!  And all of a sudden this here bolt a lightenin’ comes down and ZZAPPP!! vaperizes Granpappy Wish-Me-Die leavin’ nuthin’ but a smokin’ Bulldawg cap and a vibratin’ steamin’ Mason jar.  So ever Hallerween since, Granpappy’s apperition appears in the same piney woods and meets with Bubba Ray afore the whole Brigade heads south to the St. Johns River, and this year were not no different.

The Brigade is plannin’ to counter Sheriff Ish Stan Bull and his deputy Elrod “Echey” E. Rupshun along with the Right Reverend Hal E. Looyer in their quest to stop the Brigade from gittin’ to the Gater Whuppin’.  Echey has six new packs a BBs and they got a new onion launcher from Vidalia.  The Battle a Waycross is gonna happen jest nawth a the St. Mary’s River.  The Brigade is gonna split up and head down 301 in the Beulow Boy’s flatbed, down 17 in Touchdown Rodney Love’s pink Caddy, and Toole Shedd and Phoole the Mule are headin’ through cotton fields after they stop at a Dairy Queen.  It ain’t gonna be purdy.

Lucius “Gater” Bates is comin’ outta his strawberry patch in Lawtey, Florider and is fillin’ his 1962 Orange and Blue school bus with 15 crates a guavas, 650 pounds a mullets, and 3,000 ‘possum wings fer Gater tail-gatin’.  There is gonna be trouble all around.  But let’s git to whuppin’ some obnoxious, cut off jeans, pole cat breath Gaters……

Dear Little Bubba
no need to have fear
yer Granpappy Wish-Me-Die
is once agin here
Them Gaters as always
will be mouthin’ and swingin’
but them Bulldawgs are ones
with victorious singin’
They got a QB
it’s a feller named Trask
Jest wait until Dawgs
Hunker Down fer the task!
Their coach likes to banter
it is typical Mullen
Them Dawgs shut ‘im up
while he sobs and grows sullen
Gaters love mullets
and a strawberry patch
When they face them Bulldawgs
it is shorely no match
AllyGaters are loud
and they love their Two Bits
it won’t do no good
when them Dawgs give ’em fits
Them Dawgs come to Win
and deliver a spankin’
so the Gaters will drop
like a rock in the Rankins
Jake Fromm comes to Win
and Dawgs hate Orange & Blue
Lizards score 24
and them Dawgs 42!